How stores make you spend more using Psychological tricks

Where there is money to be made, there are tricks up their sleeves to get you to spend it. Like any other business out there, retail stores exist to take your money. You go in, you spend money, you get things, and everyone walks out happy.

Before I portray the tricks of the retailers let me clarify first the vital difference between the Shopping mall and Strip mall.

The malls have a variety of branded and local based stores. The prices of the stores also vary depending on the type of the store, while branded stores are quite pricey, other smaller stores offer normal prices on merchandise. (Here you have the freedom to take your items without asking anyone.)

 Whereas Shopping centers usually house small supermarkets, video rental stores, dry cleaning, grocery stores, coffee shops, etc.  do not have large stores to attract the public also known as strip malls or open-air malls. The person would have to exit one store to enter another. (Here you need to ask for your items to the shop owner)

Have you ever observed the difference between buying any grocery items from strip mall or supermarket and from big grocery mall?

Let me explain you then, you might carry a small list of your necessary items before purchasing those and when you go to any strip mall you place your order to the shopowner according to your list and the shopowner handover you those items and at last he asked whether you need anything more and then you instantly reply them ‘NO’ and you clear the bill.

But when you go with the same list of items to any big grocery mall then there you are free to take your items as per your list without asking anyone by holding the cart. Here is the real game begins, yes the real trick. Because when we get that freedom of taking our necessary items you might observe that you never stick to that particular item only instead your attention deviates towards those plenty colorful items of the aisle and you purchase 3 or 4 items more than your budgetary list.

Here are some retail tricks that try to compel you into spending more cash…

Flooring patterns to slow down shoppers in big malls

Store size matters, if the store isn’t particularly big, they’ll make it feel big. In crowded places, people spend less time shopping, make fewer purchases (planned and impulsive), and feels uncomfortable.

Supermarkets and retailers are applying tricky methods by using secret flooring patterns to slow down shoppers and make spenders fork out more, to make them spend the most time and money in the sections with the products that make them the highest profit.

Lines on the floor “tell” us at what speed are we walking. It was shown, for example, that increasing the distance between the lines on the floor turns on the subliminal desire to reach to the end of the line if the end seems closer, we walk faster towards it. So, if the lines are closer, the buyers will go slower. In the contrast, researchers found that customers moved faster when the distance between lines was wider.

The rhythm of music stimulate your spending interest

As music is the best option for change your stress mood. From supermarkets to department stores, retailers employ this clever technique designed to get you to spend more.

Research shows that slow music makes people shop leisurely and spend more. Loud music hurries them through the store and doesn’t affect sales. Classical music encourages more expensive purchases.

They put a big, bold ‘SALE’ sign in the window

Your curiosity pushes you to go inside the shop and to scope it out when stores put giant sales signs of ‘SALE’ in red color in their windows which attracts your eyes. There, you may buy something on sale or buy at full price in, either way, they got you inside and made you spend money.

They welcome you with shopping carts

The store is welcoming you with a nice big cart at your fingertips in the intent of fostering you to fill the cart because of the larger the cart, the more prone you are to spending more, so choose for the handbasket or even the old-school armful of purchases if you can.

They place colorful high profitable items at the front eye level

Stores will put the more desirable and profitable items at eye level so that you’ll see them easier. This increases your chances of buying the more profitable items.

Majority of the grocery store have the tendency to keep like baked goods, floral colorful items, and stuff like that at the front so that it draws your eyes to these items because their appealing smell activates your salivary glands and will put you in a good mood, making you more likely to purchase on impulse.

They put the essential items towards the back of the store

That way you have to walk through the entire store to get to them. That’s why milk, meat, cheese, and similar items all rest almost exclusively against the back wall. You have to walk down various aisles to get to them and to get back to the registers in the front. This exposes you to a bunch of the store’s inventory. It doesn’t take a study to know that if you look at enough stuff in a grocery store that you’ll probably buy something else other than what you came in to buy. This forces you to walk through the whole store to reach them, increasing your odds of throwing some items into your cart along the way.

You have to walk up and down in the aisles

Since no store has a standardized setup, each aisle has only a part of a meal in it. Often to find out your specific items you are conditioned to walk up and down each aisle without deviating means to get all of the meal, you have to travel down multiple aisles. Stores do this intentionally so that you end up spending more time in the store looking for certain items. More browsing time equals more opportunities to buy. Eventually, you’ll start doing it out of force of habit even after you’ve completed your shopping list.

They keep things in reach

When you touch anything you get the feeling of that like when you buy clothes you like to touch the fabric which gives you the feel about the quality and help you to make your decision to buy something. The research found that people who touch things are more likely to buy them than those who do not touch things. If you can touch everything, there is a high probability that you’ll buy at least some of it.

They take the advantage of your good mood in holidays

After getting the holiday from your regular tight working schedule you really want to rejuvenate yourself by spending time at those Shopping malls with your closed ones. Holidays make people happy and that means they’re primed to spend money.

The malls use holidays to create huge sales events so that they can take advantage of your good mood because the sales are meant to get you into the stores and spending on discounted stuff and maybe some non-discounted stuff, too.

They use ploy of the rewards card

Lots of different places use the tactic of rewards card. You may pick up a rewards card, swipe it at checkout, and you get points. After all, if you spend all your money there, you’ll get rewards points which you can redeem for other stuff. As it turns out, by the time you get enough points for those nice things, you’ve already spent so much money that they’ve made a good profit off of you.

They put ‘Limited time offers’ card

Stores also use the trick of limited-time offers means to put limits on things to make them seem more appealing to increase your sense of urgency in making a purchase by creating the illusion of an unbeatable sale. The items tempting you to buy on the spot. For instance, you may go to buy a shirt, see that they’re discounted, and then see that the discounted rate has a “limit of five per customer.” So you grab a great deal without delaying where you only went in there to buy one. So they win.

They offer free shipping or home delivery

Sometimes stores offer free shipping when they’re out of stock in a size or low on inventory of a particular item, but this is often just to get you to make the purchase that day. You may be better off shopping around and finding a better deal with a competitor.

They offer to guarantee your refund.

The money back policy that if you are not satisfied with a product, really encourage the customers to spend more, implying with the intention that no matter what the customer does, they cannot lose. Actually, this removes skepticism about a purchase and any reluctance they may have felt to buy.

Caution

So be alert from next onward now before you enter any giant Shopping mall, be calculative and focussed only on your necessities despite diverting your attention towards the bright and mesmerizing offer of the stores.

What did psychologists say about the selfies?

Selfie is a part of a trend of performing on social media. People try to portray the life they want others to see, and they create lots of photographic evidence of themselves being fun and interesting. Selfies are often saying, “I was here,” “I’m attractive,” or “I’m interesting and successful.”

The act of taking a selfie could make people self-conscious and more aware of how others view them. This may occur because the act forces us to focus on ourselves, much like looking in the mirror. When we become self-aware, we also become more sensitive to the extent to which we are living up to social standards and norms. If you’re walking down the street minding your own business and then notice someone on the street corner staring at you, you are likely to become more aware of your appearance and actions and more concerned with how that person is judging you. This awareness of how others might be judging us or reacting to us is called “social sensitivity.” Online audiences can have the same effect on us as offline audiences. Consistent with this idea, studies have shown that posting information about oneself on social media is associated with more social sensitivity.

Selfies are like self-validations “hey, I’m important”. It’s obsessive. Everyone wants to brag how awesome their life is. It’s like a competition. No one wants to feel less important. No wonder, teenage depression is on the rise. 

How it affects our self-esteem?

Human beings have a natural tendency to follow the gaze of others, and we have been coached since birth to follow arrows directing us to where we should be looking/going.

Taking and sharing selfies may also affect self-esteem. Increased self-awareness generally tends to lower self-esteem, suggesting that taking selfies should make us feel worse about ourselves. However, presenting ourselves to others in a desirable manner tends to increase our self-esteem.This suggests that the act of taking a selfie might reduce self-esteem, but the act of sharing it might increase self-esteem.

Researchers wanted to see how both the act of taking a selfie and the act of sharing that selfie with others affected social sensitivity and self-esteem.

Self-esteem was measured by examining the physical size of participants’ signatures. People with lower self-esteem tend to write smaller signatures. So the researchers asked participants to sign their own names with a pen both before and after the experimental manipulation. Any change in the size of the participant’s signature would indicate a change in self-esteem caused by the photo-taking and/or sharing.

The researchers also found that participants in the selfie condition who merely saved their photo showed a larger reduction in self-esteem from the start of the experiment, as compared to those who shared their selfies on social media. This suggests that the act of taking a selfie can make us feel worse about ourselves, due to the increased focus on the self. However, sharing it with others largely improve this effect. Perhaps this is due to the expectation that others will like and approve of the selfie. The effects in this study might have been even larger if participants also received feedback on social media, such as Facebook likes. On the other hand, a lack of positive feedback could send self-esteem plummeting further.

Why people posting explicit images of themselves on social media?

Only people who rely solely on other people’s opinion of them for ‘validation’ would do this, and they’ll use any ‘hook’ designed to incite a positive response, inciting positive sexual reactions a method known to ‘work’, especially for males is just one tactic.

The more pictures you post of yourself promoting a certain identity buff, sexy, adventurous, studious, funny, daring, etc. the more likely it is that others will endorse this identity of you.

There are many other methods, such as ‘declarations of value’ saying how much ‘better’ one is than ‘others’, or insinuating the same though tone or grammar, in any case, those who do this will continue until they (a) the negative response outweighs the positive response, (b) that tactic doesn’t ‘work’ anymore no response, or (c) until they get a sense of, or ability to judge, their own self-worth.

Facebook became not just a social network but a means of proving one’s social reach. Posed group photographs, tagged pictures and friend counts were signifiers of social net worth, and a sign of healthy participation in the digital world. As Facebook rose to prominence, so did its model of what it meant to interact online. The subject of MySpace bathroom selfie with its tableaux of bathroom counter mirror, face, and upper body always looked alone. Selfies were for people without friends, the savvy moved on to more advanced networks.

New Software has also contributed to the selfie renaissance. For teenage social media users, who generally prefer on-the-go mobile application, like Instagram and Snapchat, the self is the message and the selfie is the medium.

 The psychology of selfie

People seek attention and don’t get enough from their real life, it’s caused by a doubt in self-value. Just like other animals, humans also equate size with dominance and submission.

If you hold your camera straight out, you’ll take a selfie that accurately represents what you really look like. But what if you hold the camera above or below face level? When you take a selfie from above, you make the face and eyes look larger, so you appear shorter and younger. And if you photograph yourself from below, you emphasize your jaw, making yourself look taller and more dominant. People would manipulate camera angle when taking selfies as an impression management strategy. 

Two processes are at play, intersexual attraction, and intrasexual competition.  Intersexual attraction refers to the set of strategies that people use to arouse the interest of members of the opposite sex. In intrasexual competition with each other as they vie for the ladies’ attention.

Women are attracted to men who dominate other men, but they also expect those same men to be supportive toward their spouses. Likewise, women rely more on social influence than physical size or strength to establish their position in the pecking order.

People will manipulate the camera angle of their selfies depending on their intended audience. In one study, they examined self-portraits posted by men and women on internet dating and professional networking sites. In this case, the internet dating sites were viewed as contexts for intersexual attraction, and the professional network sites as contexts for intrasexual competition.

Specifically, they made the following predictions:

• Men will take selfies from below when their audience is other men (to show dominance).
• Men will take selfies straight on when their audience is women (to show supportiveness).
• Women will take selfies from above when their audience is men (to show submission).
• Women will take selfies straight on when their audience is other women (to show supportiveness).

So, people really do manipulate the camera angle of selfies to create an impression of dominance or submission. But are other people actually influenced by camera angle? To explore this question, the researchers took pictures of men and women, each from all three camera angles above, straight on, and below.

Another set of participants then viewed these photos and rated them on a number of characteristics related to dominance and submission. They also rated the attractiveness and other physical characteristics of the person in each photo. As predicted, the men were perceived as taller and rated as more dominant and attractive when the camera angle was from below. And conversely, the women were perceived as younger and rated as more submissive and attractive when the camera angle was from above.

These results show that people really do manipulate their perceived height to indicate dominance or submission. Furthermore, people actually are influenced by these attempts at impression management. But what’s the take-home message?

Why lonely personalities has the addiction of selfie?

Those who constantly take pictures of themselves are more likely to be lonely, scientists warn. However, they are also more likely to be vain and attention-seeking too.Constant self-snappers are also more likely to be vain and attention-seeking too, a study revealed. 

Researchers in Thailand assessed the personal habits of 300 students and looked at how often they took pictures of themselves. The participants, mostly females aged between 21 and 24, were interviewed to see if they had narcissism, attention-seeking, self-centered behavior or loneliness personality traits.

A vast majority spent more than 50 percent of their spare time on either their mobile phone or scouring the internet, they found. Concerning the relationship between selfie-liking and the control variables, the analysis showed that selfie-liking was positively associated with the intensity of social media us.

Experts believe both men and women who have lonely personalities tend to take more selfies for approval from other people. Individuals with higher degrees of loneliness tend to report selfie-liking to a greater extent.

The lead researcher said, ‘Not only do individuals who become obsessed with taking selfies tend to feel that their personal lives and psychological well-being are damaged, but they may feel that relationship qualities with others are also impaired.
‘Taking selfies allows individuals to control what other people see in the photos, it is not surprising that those who exhibit these narcissistic characteristics tend to like selfies because it helps them achieve this personal goal.

While many people consider taking selfies to be an enjoyable activity, those who take selfies need to concern themselves with the unhealthy behaviors that might be associated with this activity as well. Some experts have argued that selfie-taking behavior can be linked to mental illness.

However, psychologists suggest that it is not an addiction but a symptom of body dysmorphic disorder a form of anxiety.This could be the reason why individuals who like to take selfies tend to focus too much on themselves and express less concern about others.

Caution for both men and women

Here’s the advice for men: If you’re trying to impress other men in a professional context, take your selfies from below. This will signal your dominance. But if you’re trying to impress women in a romantic context, take your selfies straight on. This will show your supportiveness.

And here’s the advice for women: If you’re trying to impress other women in a professional context, take your selfies straight on. This will demonstrate your social intelligence. But if you’re trying to impress men in a romantic context, take your selfies from above. This will make you look younger and more attractive.

Despite our modern beliefs about gender equality, the dynamics of intersexual attraction and intrasexual competition are still deeply ingrained within us. However, this doesn’t mean we’re powerless pawns of our evolutionary past. Rather, it means that if we understand how these dynamics work, we gain power over them and can wield them to our own advantage. 

 

What kind of qualities in women attract men?

Men Are Attracted to Valuable Women. Men fall in love with women through 7 main stages, which are Appreciation – Infatuation- The Attraction- Impression- Conviction- Reaffirmation- “I Love You”.

But, appearance is the first thing that attracts men. Then, men will steadily get to know the woman, mainly the personalities of her. There’s something so unbelievably sexy about a confident smart woman who knows what she wants and knows how to get it. So, somehow it can be said that the way men fall in love is from outside to inside.

Look at yourself as a color. You may not be everybody’s favorite color but one day you will meet someone who needs you to complete their picture.

For immediate attraction to men or women, there are 4 S’s in any situation…

• Straight – Have the confidence to stand up straight.
•  Smile – Show an enjoyment of life and welcome attention.
• Style – Show something unique.
•  Something – Every person has something they are particularly attracted to. Is it red hair, tallness, sexy shoes, spicy smell or geeky glasses? That is the mystery.

What attracts a man to a woman?…………

Face………. Appearance is the first thing that attracts men. She should be cute. The face is the most defining feature of Women, especially when they have big beautiful eyes. I don’t mean she should look cute, but be cute on the inside. She should be affectionate, funny, flirtatious, mushy and should make her man want to just hold her in his arms and never let go. But they still love that face, the spots, the freckles and every little imperfection on it. Maybe beautiful eyes, a crooked nose or deep dimples. They can find something so weird in the face, so beautiful, it blows your mind.

Curves………. Men love curves. they are programmed to respond to the softness of a woman’s body and demeanor in this sharp-edged world, and contrary to popular belief they are very much in love with the bothering love handles or embarrassing thighs. They don’t judge when they see curves.

Smile………. The smile is the best painkiller in life. Dealmaker. The ability to make another person laugh is a gift. That gift is indeed one of the most prized qualities in a woman that a man seeks. It fills him with happiness and energy. Being witty emphasizes quick thinking capabilities, which in turn alludes to intelligence. If you ever find a guy out of your league, just flash a smile, he will respond. Every man responds to a genuine smile. And again, not looking for a celebrity here. Just flash those gorgeous gems and see the magic. The smile is the only thing that attracts men to women and women to man. The smile is the most beautiful thing we are blessed with unless it is unbiased.

Happy ………… By the time a man is 25 or so, he should know that a happy girlfriend/wife is important. If it takes too much effort to keep a woman happy, because that’s not her natural state, many men will move on. They want a girlfriend, not another job. A happy woman is an amazing sight to see. The character trait of being happy is incredibly attractive. People, in general, are put off by melancholy and angst. A happy person is an attractive person because people want to be around them. This is true for both men and women.

Successful woman ……….. I think success is attractive to both sexes. There are many advantages but as far as relationships go, if a woman is busy and good at what she does, she will be happier and that helps at home too. This is provided she is also wise enough to not take out any work-related frustrations on her man but usually, the successful ones realize this. So it’s a good thing all around. Success, yes. As long as it is accompanied by confidence.

With success comes confidence, control, ambition. Those are all very attractive if you can handle them. I know men that portray confidence, success, power, but they surround themselves with smaller, weaker personalities. The same thing would happen with a successful woman in a relationship. An insecure guy wouldn’t be able to handle that, because they are not that, whether they pretend to be or not.

Directness ………….. Men really like women who mean what they say. Are you interested? Say it. Are you not interested? Say it. Saying no when you mean yes and saying yes when you are not fully interested removes any sort of trustworthiness that women have. Seriously, no games. Say what you mean. Like you, men don’t like to be played with.

Confident men use humor to see if she can be fun if she has a friendly, open-minded and welcoming personality. He will sexualize in his tone indirectly and directly to see if she is his equal but also if she can have fun.

Integrity ………….. If she is honest and has a nice soul, she is definitely a beautiful woman. Lying is one thing which neither gender likes it. So being truthful n honest makes a woman come across as a potential partner.

Physical attractiveness………. Men like beautiful and sexy women. Men are attracted to youthfulness. However, beauty and sexiness depend upon the way a woman carries herself. Elegance plays a huge role in enhancing everything about a woman. Of course, body type, fragrance, dress etc come into play.

 Men love it women who are open and honest about their desires and turnoffs. Physically, Women have beautiful bodies as long as they take care if it, and have good hygiene. It is usually in their art, to be beautiful. Every Women is beautiful and unique. I look more for the personal character traits, then the physical traits, but they usually follow each other equally.

Cleopatra was no hot stuff. She was an average looking woman but she knew the ways of men and understood what they valued the most. She had the knowledge and skill to seduce men and keep men’s attention. She was surrounded by beautiful women but men were drawn to her.

Imperfections ………….. Makeup is not necessary I have found women who can make me be amazed at how such a beautiful sculpture created by an architect for Cytherea as a gesture of her elegance could be living. The style is also a major thing I notice. Men like a woman who has her own look and is comfortable in the clothes she wears.

Have to stress the point again, because we are so much obsessed with the cover girls that we forget being organic is being sexy. Almost every guy agrees too much makeup is a turn-off. They want to see some natural beauty in you. The mole is absolutely okay, so is the buck teeth. They tend to associate you with your marks and scars, and it makes you uniquely attractive to them and distinguishes you from rest of the crowd.

There’s probably some science behind why some faces are considered beautiful, but again, I think this is subjective. I personally like women who look unique and are comfortable in their own skin.

Composure…………Men love nothing more than a woman who can handle situations calmly. No erratic behavior. No irritability. No yelling. No crazy stuff. I am not denying that some men are irrational. However, those irrational people are not attractive. When a person knows that they’re not always right and are willing to reason, the attractiveness quadruples.

Quirks ……………Every person has a quirk. And your quirk may make you more adorable. She should understand men. Men love being the knight in shining armor. She should understand that men love acting tough in front of their girls. Knows how to flirt/banter and women who can comfortably tease them and display a good sense of humor.

Optimism………. A woman who knows how to be positive in adverse situations is definitely worth being with every single moment. For she will push her man to do his best throughout his life.

Loyalty………….. This counts the most. Everything is acceptable but for example, if you answered with “yes I did” to his “Did you have sex with him?” he’ll be heartbroken for sure. Just be loyal, to your friends, to your family, to your man and all to those who matter. And don’t be over possessive, rude, ignorant. Also, avoid gossips. 

Crazy and smart……….. Like one hundred percent full on retarded. She should make us do things we’d never even consider in our wildest dreams. She should get both of us to do stupid, incredibly stupid things just for the thrill of the deed and of being together. We should be able to have meaningful discussions, talk about the global political scenario, the world economy, climatic change, war, poverty, hunger, life, and death.

Understanding……….. This is very important if you want to attract men. Here I’m talking about men and not boys. You must never judge too early whatever might be the situation. 

Acceptance ………..I won’t say all women are fault finders and criticizing all the time, but too many out there to do. Isn’t afraid to accept her mistake and change her mind. They don’t compare. A non-judgemental, non-messy partner, is what any guy desires.

Femininity……………  Men Are Attracted to Feminine Energy. The soft voice. The softer touch. Makes sure she’s heard. One of the biggest mistakes most women do is they show a lack of feminity, in that they are emotional cold, they are up to their ass with this bullshit mainstream romance in hiding their intent to the man they desire.
Don’t ever think he isn’t also talking to other women to decide who shows intent to him, vulnerability to him, and that includes not just feelings but her sexuality in the tone of voice, in behavior. It will be a deciding factor no matter.

Independence…………. An independent person is attractive because there is no love lost when each of them has to do their own stuff. There is no compulsion to do everything together. There is no need for constant pampering. A relationship is a teamwork. Each needs to know how to do their own work independently in order to play. Has an informed opinion even if it doesn’t match mine.

Resemble his mom……….. If a man found there is a girl who is similar to his mom, he would rather give up the former. Maybe because right from the childhood they saw their moms as an epitome of a perfect woman, that they desire women similar to them.

Caring ………… She certainly should be considerate of other’s feelings. If ever someone is in trouble and if she helps that person out without expecting anything in return, that’s really commendable.

Behaviour…………. The most important. How you treat people around you, your opinions and your behavior matter to them. Treating him respectfully and sweetly, if not flirting at the first conversation, makes a very good impression upon them. So if you like the guy, just don’t come into a vulgar mode. Most probably he will run far and never come back.

Kindness…………. I find kindness more attractive than mere beauty. Absolutely! Looks is what makes men attracted, but the kindness is what makes us remains. It is one of the traits that make someone immensely attractive to any guy for her pleasant company.

In my opinion, beauty is a too common trait among women. I find all women beautiful. I find their smiles all attractive. And with relatively little effort, women with more modest look can improve their appearance amazingly. But kindness is a deeper trait of the personality of the woman. It is pleasant. It’s more scarce than beauty I think. It is refreshing to be around a kind woman.

                        Frankly, women are still unsure what attracts men to them. Hot bodies and gorgeous faces are in, but getting the right man is still a difficult task at hand. If a woman has all these traits, I guess no man would ever stray and every man will love his woman passionately.

Sometimes none of the above. Sometimes they just like a girl, without rhyme or reason. The world stops for him when he sees the girl, and they’re not going to trade that for anything in the whole wide world. This is something completely unique to guys only.

“Men Are Attracted to Women Who Connect With Their Hearts!”  

 

Yes, it is true love and it can happen!

Nelson, 25 years old the final year student of Medical, has an intense affection for his beautiful 22 years old friend Justine, pursuing her management. He always finds the excuse to stay with her even he would go to the extent of creating situations so that he could be with her as long as possible.

“One day we will never have to say goodbye, the only goodnight!”

His all acts don’t surprise Justine, as he treated her like a precious diamond or a delicate doll. The care and the gentleness with which he handles her would melt her heart. His subtle hints like talking about family and kids were enough for her to read his mind. As a man talks about kids only with his love whom he loves because he wants his kids to look alike her as he knows only she will be a great mom to his kid.

“I only want two things in this world,

I want you and I want Us!”

Therewith time they gelled decently. Nelson completed his interns and now he has been connected with a private hospital and Justine also doing good in a multinational company. Now the couple is planning for their marriage but Justine’s parents have some issue in regard of groom’s caste and community.

Nelson when came to know about Justine’s parent’s non-acceptance then he started to plan everything rather give up on her when Justine started freaking out because guys have the solution to all the problems when it comes to living with their love. He cannot imagine his life without her. He would create such a scenario that no one would get a hint about their relation, till their names had been beautifully scribbled on the wedding invitation.

“I love you more than words can show

I think about you more than

you could ever know,

until forever this will be true

because there is no one

I would ever love the way

I Love You!”

When dreams shattered………….

They spent their days happily. Abruptly one day she developed a skin disease. Slowly Justine started to lose her beauty. She lost the pigment from certain areas of her face and body, causing whitish patches, often with no clear cause, which greatly reduced her self-confidence and self-image. She would no longer think of the good things in her life and all she would think to be about this disease she unluckily has. The disease itself would not ruin her life as much as she herself would ruin it thinking about it. Nelson realized that Justine not only lost her self-confidence also she lost the desire for alive.

She tried to skip from her husband at bed because of her growing ugliness. Nelson afraid to lose her for something as sex and he respects her too much to see her naked. For him, she would have to initiate the talk if she wants to have it if it happens otherwise, its an alert.

He kissed on her forehead more than her lips, again he would never ask her to sleep with him against her wish because he respects her decision and wouldn’t stop loving her even if she says NO for intimacy. Love is accepting a person with all their failures, stupidity, ugly points. Love is seeing perfection in every imperfection.

“Nelson: I LOVE YOU!

I’m who I’m because of you!

You are every reason, every hope

And every dream I’ve ever had,

And no matter what happens

To us in the future.

Every day we are together

Is the greatest day of my life.

I’ll always be yours!”

When responsibilities abolish the pain……….

Destiny once again torturous with them and on a fine day while returning from office to home he met with an accident and lost his eyesight. The incident completely turned Justine’s life.

For Justine now the whole world is around her adorable husband Nelson. She now even forgets about her own skin disease which made her ugly and agonized so much that she lost the urge to live the life.

Her husband’s blindness engrossed her life so much that since morning to night, she stayed beside him for his every small basic need of daily life so that her husband never felt for a second also that he had lost his vision and with time, Nelson also became completely dependent on his wife.

She never let a mere disease hamper or have an effect on the aspirations of her life. She never let such a situation affect her emotionally or in any manner whatsoever. She doesn’t just sit and rue over the fact that what life has done this to her.

Nelson never ever for a moment seen her sad or unhappy. She told him how she had faced difficulties and unpleasant situations before. Now in facts, she was entertaining and hilarious at times. She manages all the things of her life very well even in caring their relationships also.

“Justine: I love you!

Nelson: I love you too!

Justine: Prove it, shout it to the world.

Nelson: ‘Whispers in-ear’ I Love You!

Justine: Why did you whisper it to me?

Nelson: Because you are my world!”

Everything is predestined………

Despite her gradual ugliness their married life continued as usual because for Justine her blind husband didn’t aware about her ugliness and hence there wasn’t any difference in their married life.

He continued to love her and she also loved him very much. But as days passed she lost her intact beauty gradually. Love is a feeling when you don’t want to sleep because the reality is better than your dreams.

One day she died instantaneously. Her death brought him great sorrow. For Nelson, it’s the utmost traumatic phase to cross that but he finished all her last rites and wanted to leave that town as soon as because that place tortures his wife’s memory, their golden days of togetherness.

While leaving the town a man from behind called and said, “now how will you be able to walk all alone? All these days your wife used to help you. He replied I am not blind. I was acting because if she knew l could see her ugliness it would have pained her more than her disease. So I pretended to be blind. She was a very good wife. I only wanted to keep her happy because everything is predestined.”

“Distance can stop me from kissing you,

 but it cant stop me from loving you.

Till my last day, I’ll be loving you!”

Attitude makes a difference in Life!……………

A person who is capable of turning the negative into a positive one. It is something which not really everyone has. Every day we see people depressed and unhappy with some of the issues in life. Some issues are not really even issues if we see. Nelson just got a greater perspective of life with her and how not to bog down when life feels unpleasant. It is simply the way you see life and how important it is to see the good aspects of life.

Attitude does make a hell lot of difference! You can either make your life wonderful or awful just by the mentality you keep. Love means caring for other’s happiness more than your own. Howsoever painful the choice may be.

Sometimes it is good for us to act blind and ignore one another’s shortcomings, in order to be happy. No matter how many times the teeth bite the tongue, they still stay together in one mouth. That’s the spirit of forgiveness.

Yes…it is true love!…………

Love happens when two people are emotionally and physically compatible when they care for each other when they can think of a future together. Unfortunately, physical appearance can only attract, not make someone fall in love.

 Yes, men take time, but when they do fall in love, they are compassionate. You will never see as loyal a guy as the one in love. Other girls just fail to charm him. Lust disappears. He will want the whole of you, know about every single pore of your body. He will bleed at the thought of you departing, he will dream about future kids with you, he will want you to own his money.

Things that you cannot imagine. The way you sleep, the way you hold him in public, in private, the way you observe him, the way you listen to him talk, the way you own him. Carry yourself well in front of his company, that’s all he expects. Nothing more. But when it comes to love, physical appearance rarely matters. Looks fade away. Looks subside, I mean to portray about true love here. The spirit of pure love is forgiveness, unity, and togetherness!

“Love is an invisible bond that combines two souls together!”  

The inspirational sayings of life!

There is no “Ctrl+Z” command in life. 

Everyone makes mistakes or commit something undesirable at some point in life (at least normal people do). No matter how badly they wish to change it, nothing can be done about it. Everyone has their share of regrets.

Actions once done cannot be undone, words once spoken cannot be taken back, the moment that’s gone is gone forever.

Life doesn’t come with an eraser. Experiences leave their mark, for better or for worse. It’s up to you whether to live with regrets or learn from mistakes and move on.

The family is Everything………..

No matter how much you think that your friends are so important. You will lose most of them, Your family is the only one who will never leave your side. Always take good care of them.

Not even your closest relatives will take your responsibility in times of deepest tragedy. For them, you are a bigger tragedy. You are a burden to everyone except your parents.

You earn well and you are respected in your family tree. No one cares about the struggle except your parents. Only your parents stand by you when you fail. Rest, don’t care.

Money Matters a lot………….

Money rules this world. Money makes this world turn. It makes people everywhere get out of bed to work. It turns people against each other. Whatever people say, we all need money. Money dominates. Say, your 10+ lakh per annum salary matters a lot in your relationship/marriage. Create two profile with same data in the matrimonial website. One with your Facebook profile picture, mention your salary 2 lakh per annum. One with your voter ID card with salary 10+ lakh per annum.

Money can solve 90% of your problems. I know money is not everything but money is very important for your survival. I read somewhere that, To say this line that Money doesn’t bring happiness, You should have at least 1 million dollars in your bank account. Nothing can make your relative happier than you being jobless. Nothing can make your relative more frantic than you getting a better job than their kids. Without Money, you are nothing. Absolutely Nothing!

Career and Health should be top priority……..

Getting a job is not happiness. It is a relief and ego booster. All that glitters is gold in the corporate world. You have good contacts and you can reach good heights. The one who slogs will never be appreciated.

 Your skills and your Health is the only thing which can never betray you. They will always stay with you forever. Learn as much as you can and Never compromise your Health for anything and anyone.

Give time to yourself…………

Nobody will invest in you until you invest in yourself. Most people will never accomplish their dreams, and most who do are still not happy. It wasn’t until I spent uncountable hours on my reading and own ideas that I felt like I had permission to ask others to do the same. It wasn’t until I spend day after day on my writing and refining my content before I felt comfortable asking for people to read my writings. Investing in yourself is the ONLY way to learn to love yourself more and give yourself permission to ask others to do the same. Unless of course, you’re a sociopath, of course. Your unwillingness to make a mistake is the biggest mistake.

Everything is in your hand, don’t blame karma if you can’t give your 100%. But it doesn’t mean, that I am stopping you to do good deeds and provoking you to commit bad ones. Hard work never goes unnoticed. As per Newton’s third law ‘For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction” so what goes around, somehow comes around. People’s perception about you is more important than reality, perception is what makes someone guilty not the facts.

Attachment is highly toxic…………

 Attaching too much to a single person leads to Jealousy and Fear of losing that person and both of these things are rust to the relationship. Love is pure but the attachment is toxic. The more you care about someone’s opinion of you, the less they think of you. The person who cares less has the most power in a relationship. You can’t change others. The cute little quirks of today can be the soul-crushing flaws of tomorrow.

Relationship………….

Where there is love there is light! Respect your love. Believe me, it is the most beautiful creation of God. Don’t let it go just because of your arrogance or ego or this society. Living practical life is a good thing, but do not materialize your relationship. You can’t always get what you want.

Sometimes people understand the value once they leave their life. Don’t experiment anything, so that you will have to live rest of your life in regret. One day you will never be able to hear your loved one’s voice again so call them today!

Love is about accepting your partner with every flaw, is the biggest lie ever. People hate flaws and so would you. You can love your partner till death and still want to sleep with others. The opposite of well is well-meaning. Men will never know how it feels to be a woman and vice versa. Dark secrets can be damaging but love can heal that damage.

The higher you set the expectations from the beginning, the harder it will be to maintain the relationship. Suppose, send your girlfriend flowers every day and it will be cute for the first three days, cheesy after that, then awkward, and finally unbearable. Love, dating, and relationship can’t be “figured out” logically. They require empathy, vulnerability, and honesty.

You are Replaceable……………

No one will ever be able to make you feel loved unless you love yourself. It doesn’t matter, how much you care for that person, or how strongly you think that that person will never leave you. Most of the times, those persons will find someone better than you and then you are more likely to kill yourself from a breakup than to be killed by ISIS. The more you care about someone’s opinion of you, the less they think of you.

You are the person you’ve chosen to be so it’s your fault if you don’t like who you see in the mirror. We tend to value people who don’t think we’re important and take for granted those who do. Emotions change all the time. It’s possible to think you love someone with all your heart, but then one day you sober up and find out you truly don’t. When in love, everyone becomes an idiot.

Marriage and responsibilities………..

Love is glorious at its best till you are dating with your best foot forward. Marriage actually breaks the spell. Marriage does not convert a man/woman to a family person. Even having kids can’t achieve that. The age-old idea that is being fed by the elders “Get him/her married, he/she will become responsible” is a failure. Marriage doesn’t bring two families together. It brings two individuals together who crib about each other’s families meddling their noses between the couple.

Our lives are inconsequential…………

We all die. Both a king and a beggar end up 6 feet under the ground. We are merely tourists here. The universe doesn’t revolve around us. If we all died, nothing would change in the cosmos. Even among humans, no one will even remember we existed in a few hundred years. Maybe even decades.

Ignore your neighbors and relatives………..

Our closed people, on the outside act like wolves but are really like dolphins on the inside, and some people try to act like dolphins but are really sharks.

Your neighbors are not there to help you if you are a single parent. They are there to keep an eye on you to the point that even your brother visiting you raises an alarm in their head. If you’re a single girl, your worth is measured by the number of marriage proposals you are getting. If none, then you are a problematic bone not just to your family (according to the neighbors) but also to the entire neighborhood.

Emotions are dangerous……….

Your emotions, thoughts, memories and everything you experience can be simplified to little pieces of flabby matter in the brain shooting electricity in circles.

 Emotions make us human. But it also severely hinders us. Envy, jealousy, hatred, and love blind us and make us commit irrational and often regrettable actions. We are jealous creatures. Mind you, even if we are happy for our friends, there is somewhere hidden jealousy or let’s say “why not me?” simmering in there.

There are people who are intelligent in some areas but emotionally uneducated when it comes to the emotional reality of others. Even gangsters and criminals can be kinder to children than well-intentioned and better dressed upstanding citizens.

Happiness is within brain………..

Happiness is based on the chemistry of your brain. Some people are just screwed, born with low serotonin levels and are physically incapable of being happy.

Our brain creates the world around us. If you tell yourself you can’t break a bad habit, then you won’t. When next time you are sad that you can’t stop eating fatty foods, just know, the only reason you can’t is that you think you can’t. Then, remind yourself, it’s all in your mind and that despite being aware you have full control of stopping, you have for years still lacked the ability to change, ultimately making you consciously aware that you don’t have power over your mind. And that’s just depressing!

We are civilized animals………..

We aren’t even animals. The animal is a sound we made to represent the living things around us. In the origins of the world, nothing has a name, nothing has an identity. Cats are just things that lounge and whine all day. And they aren’t even cats, we just call them cats. In other words, we aren’t even things. We named ourselves.

In conclusion: We are a self-named, self-dressed animal that can’t work together but have such a sense of superiority that we slaughter all of the animals around us to serve our personal needs which aren’t even needs but we still crave more because we are animals from the jungle trying to survive and have created a world built on sadness to drive solace in material items so we make more stuff which is ultimately sending us spiraling into ecological doom that we’ll never stop because we are animals with egos that can’t work together.

We are editing our own DNA. We are a fucking animal who has literally been able to discover the code that makes us exist and change it.

Life is unfair, cruel even……..

 Why do some people get the top-notch education, the best living conditions, and golden opportunities, while others struggle daily just to survive? Why do some people have longer visits during this life than others? Life can be complex and be challenging regardless of your age.

Chase your passion, instead of chasing a person………

Chasing a person is like a dog chasing a vehicle. Even a dog succeed to chase it, it has no idea what to do with that, except barking. Same goes with people, chase your dream, make your life beautiful. People admire if you are committed to your dream. MS Dhoni is a live example. I don’t want to know about his negative part, but he could have chosen to be a railway TT and lived happily thereafter, but he didn’t.

Perfection is impossible…………

Pursuing perfection is a fool’s errand. There is no such thing as perfection. There’s no perfect design. No perfect form of society. Nothing can be perfect. We all have inner beasts locked up inside of us if the conditions are right, they are unleashed. Even in everyday life, you see glimpses of our inner demons murders, rapes, mass shootings.

Illusions are everywhere………..

 Look around you and you might believe you see the truth. You see something that you believe will make you happy, but once you get it you’re not. You see a happy couple, but you don’t know that they’re actually fighting every day. Someone offers you a free lunch, but there’s a catch. People posting on Instagram/Snapchat about how much fun they’re having, while inside they’re miserable and unhappy. A country might be functioning smoothly, but suddenly collapses within weeks. All Illusions. Take nothing at face value and question everything. Forgiveness and compassion are limitless when tempered with gratitude and humility.

How much good-looks matter for a relationship?

“I no longer believed in the idea of soul mates, or love at first sight. But I was beginning to believe that a very few time in your life if you were lucky, you might meet someone who was exactly right for you. Not because he was perfect, or because you were, but because your combined flaws were arranged in a way that allowed two separate beings to hinge together”……Lisa Kleypas.

Flawless skin, tall height with proportionate weight mesmerized all. We human being forever attracted towards good things whether it relates to a person, object or our fantasy. We all love to see those things initially which soothes our eyes first then comes to rest all aspects. So looks matters a lot in that aspect. We not even spare bad looking any object in our life so what, when we have the option to replace that, then how could we have taken for the grant when it comes to choosing any living being in our life? Yes, RELATIONSHIP the utmost significant aspect of our life where we stuck when its come to the question of its selection.

What are we looking for?………..

Looks are your main “market value” when it comes to relationships. Women’s main market value in relationships are their looks, men’s value is based on their social status.

 You need to have similar “value” to make a transaction. It’s not superficial it’s hard-wired in our subconsciousness.
Men value a woman at around 80% looks. A woman only uses a man’s looks for 20% of his overall attractiveness. Men screen for looks more so that they hold their partner’s hands gladly in front of their associates. Women are attracted to high status, provider, protector males which they judge on their behavior.

Almost every woman is looking for 3 main components in a man. First, success or at least a goal in life that they are driven by. Second, security, loyalty, and trust as a package and third, the commitment of their partner.

Loving a person can have so many reasons he/she should be fair, tall and all exterior quality but his personality should be charming.

Is looks matters for libido?………..

If you aren’t physically attracted to someone then it will be difficult to cultivate a sexual relationship. To men, looks do matter. They like a pretty face and a fine body. Women, on the other hand, can be attracted to a man if he’s decent-looking, as long as he has money to make up for it. Therefore, if either person has sexual desires then it will be difficult to have a relationship with sexual intimacy. If neither person is very interested in sex then it is most likely not an issue. However, if the parties involved are interested in sex then physical attraction is required. Looks are important because this is the basis for sexual attraction. 

We all grow older and show signs of aging, but as long as we do it with style, and try to take as best care of ourselves as we can, beauty never really fades as long as we remain engaged, communicative, compassionate, and kind. The most attractive person eventually becomes ugly if they have an unflattering personality if they’re neglectful, abusive, boring, or dim.

What is the basic need of relationship?………

Although looks are important for initial attraction, long-term bonds are built on……….. 

• Similarity…. should have same interests and values for each other.
• Loyalty … both must be loyal about their past and present.
• Contiguity …. attribute the closeness between each other.
• Artlessness … honesty about talking stuff that matters.
• Involvement …… emotional investment in the relationship. 
• Polarity …. dominant vs submissive pole.
• Commitment … pledged with your said wordings.

Again humans probably weren’t designed to be solely monogamous, that’s a failure social construct as we’re seeing among many couples these days.

No love is not blind in the matter of looks!………

The first step towards love is the attraction that you feel towards someone and that’s where looks become important to you. Looks are not everything but it matters a lot. People will say that “Love is blind” and all that crap but in fact, practically nobody falls in love blindly, though there are exceptions but majority wise you will find out looks are given the first preference.

The time where your looks play its part is when someone gets attracted towards you for the first time. Means, you don’t love anyone only because of their looks but love starts with attraction.

Looks matter until you’re in love. There are many couples who are madly in love yet clearly are not on par with one another in the looks department. Looks matter most in the initial courtship. Looks play a strong role in the initial courtship especially if you’re competing with others who are far better looking. It’s not like that only a good looking person attracts the opposite gender but yes if you have good looks with your other qualities then it’s icing on the cake. It’s very evident that people with good looks attract the opposite gender more easily.

When you least bother about looks?……….

People talk about “Love at first sight“. That’s actually not loving, but that’s an attraction only that you feel for the opposite gender. Once love crept in, then there’s no need for looks or something. 

In true love importance of looks doesn’t matter. Maybe sometimes u fall for someone because of his/her looks but when u starts a relationship and real love develops then your partner’s look will not be an important issue for you. If you have an average look then there’s nothing more needed other than how good you are as a person to mesmerize anyone.

I’m not asking you to sympathize with women and lookism, more just meaning that it’s part of human nature to want to move towards that which is pleasing to you. No matter what a woman looks like, if she’s confident, she’s voluptuous. There are plenty of people out there who truly do not want to be with a great looking woman. They find it intimidating.

 Any woman who presents well holds herself straight up, no slouching, no fear of being heard, she will be attractive. It acts similarly to me. Looks help a lot, but they are not everything. Suppose every woman wanting to sleep with you, but none of them want to stay, now that’s a disadvantage. An entire life of lust without love.

Average looking guys have absolutely nothing to worry about. If you’re not downright hideous and you play your cards right, you have a very good chance of winning over the girl and having a long-lasting relation.

How relationships stay for long-term?……..

Practice self-awareness, forgive, be a good teammate, grow together, adapt views, cultivate your finer qualities, compliment and praise each other, develop your own interests, don’t keep score, encourage and pamper each other, offer solutions not criticism, respect space and time, don’t be hesitant to speak your mind, be romantic, admit that you are wrong, respect his or her friends, be affectionate, mind your manners, remember to say “thank you and sorry.”

Everyone wants to feel desirable, especially by their partner. If you don’t actually desire your partner that’s just bad all around. It’s not just important for the early stages, it’s also important down the line too when you’re both old. You’re going to want to look back and enjoy all those memories of being young and dumb and beautiful.

Make an unconditional love with long-term………

Love is a big term. People generally don’t realize that a mere upburst of hormonal activities inside them isn’t loving. Love is something that is totally unconditional. It’s beyond pain and pleasure.

For instance, you meet an accident which has disfigured your face then will you stop loving him/her because he/she doesn’t look as gorgeous as he/she was before?

If your answer is yes, then definitely you don’t love him/her at all. But if it doesn’t make any difference to you the way he/she looks, then there’s true love between you both. So, instead of thinking about looks, try to improve yourself as a good person.

 Moreover, if you are very caring and soft-spoken one without having any ego or attitude in your personality then even a rude uncivilized person also get attracted towards your personality, whereas we are living in a civilized society where at least we possess the minimum etiquette to reply with humble to anyone whoever is caring bad looks or status.
So next time you see a good-looking man and think that he holds all of the cards, think again. He may be receiving all of the looks and smiles. But the truth is, you’ve actually got more chance than he has with that beauty at the bar. Love means to give your soul to your partner, not just your heart.

Looks matter, but it’s not the condition for love, fortunately, other things matter more. Good looks matters, you mean good personality and well dress up. Grooming yourself. Felling beautiful inside-out.

Not specific about a relationship but don’t you want to look handsome/beautiful and also you don’t want to be with the person who is handsome/beautiful from inside-out. “Love means to give your soul to your partner, not just your heart and physical body.”

“I mean, if the relationship can’t survive the long term, why on earth would it be worth my time and energy for the short term?”…… Nicholas Sparks.

Why do parents lie to their growing child?

“First….Complete school and you will be relieved. Second…..Complete college and you are a free bird. Third….Complete master and you are settled. Actually, nothing ends it just goes on and on…Responsibilities go on coming….. I have grown up by holding this sweet lie of my parents!”

Evergreen sweet lies of our Parents………

• “Sleep early son unless the monster will come and take you away to a black world.
• Stop crying my little daughter, if you stopped crying a fairy will come and give you a chocolate.
• Don’t wake kids on Christmas morning at 3 am because if you will get out of bed before the Sunrise, you will turn into reindeer.
• If you don’t dry yourself properly after showering, your body hair is going to grow out making you look like a furry bear, like the way you water plants and they grow, similarly, you water your body and if you don’t dry, your hair grows. 
• Show your excellence in your mark card then all will be treated with you like a king/ queen.
• Become an IITian and then do MBA from IIMs. Replaceable with Top degrees from other streams then you are destined for success. If you don’t do that, you have wasted all our efforts for so many years.”

When I was a kid and browsing through my parent marriage album I started crying as I was not able to see myself in any of the images then my Mom told me that “I was the one taking the photo’s and that’s the reason for my absence in all those photographs.” I’ve grown up now and I laugh at these things when my parents tell me!

Above these are all those sweet lies which our parents often used to tell us since our childhood to adolescence period.

Why do parents tell lie?…………..

Those Brainstorming ideas, our parents implement for us during our upbringing to simplify the complex which is difficult to explain the entire situation during that minor age, sometimes to preserve a child’s innocence or to surprise a child with gifts, Santa.

• We lie to our kids to make things easier for us sometimes. But the main reason we lie to them is that we want to protect them from things they aren’t old/mature enough to handle. Like we don’t want to see them sick, from eating a whole package of Chocolate. We don’t want them to be upset we were injured, when they couldn’t have prevented it, even if they were there.
• Sometimes maybe the answer is unknown to the parents itself but their ego doesn’t allow them to confess their ignorance in front of their kids and to use lie become the only easiest option, to keep their own respect in the eyes of their kids.
• Many times parents do it in an attempt to protect their children from the ugly truths of life or feel too uncomfortable to answer.
• No child should have to worry about grown-up things so in an effort to shield them, lies come into play.
• Lying can also save us from admitting to being wrong and the need to offer the apology.
• Admitting to being wrong or to doing wrong is not an easy thing to do, it definitely isn’t the path of least resistance and again, adults somehow think they can get away with it when dealing with children. It arouses the issue of power loss, which makes it even more difficult for a parent to offer an apology to a kid. As a result, few parents can’t even imagine that they could offer apologies to their children. 
• So basically, lying in many instances equals the path of least resistance and parents generally love the paths of least resistance moreover when they feel they can outsmart others then why not try it especially when dealing with children.
• It’s easier and convenient for parents in many life situations. It’s relatively “safe” parents like to think so.

Don’t force them………..

Parents should never decide their children’s career. But what they can do is influence their children so that they can take such life-changing decisions themselves. It’s a strong belief where the recipe for success is only one. Get a degree from the top university or you are doomed.

I have many friends who have taken up engineering just because their parents forced them to do so. I know this one particular guy who takes excellent photos and wanted to join a visual communication course. His parents were completely against the courses. He hasn’t completed his first year due to many back papers so, the result may be this guy as miserable as the next aspiring engineering student.

Why do parents deceive their children?………..

• To hide shortcomings of authority figures. Protect a child’s view of their heroes like hiding father’s smoking habit, uncle’s late-night homecoming, etc.
• Parents also need sometimes privacy when they don’t want to answer the question, “What are you watching or reading, dad?”
• Outing with friends and eating a treat without sharing with children and will sneak it makes us sometimes selfish.
• Deceiving should be the last resort employed by the parent. It’s harmful and creates a sense of betrayal in the child in the long run even though the intention was harmless. Moreover, as a consequence, they lose trust in the parents, and any attempts to discipline them in the future e.g. lying is bad etc. when you will be blamed and held accountable for setting such an example in the first place.

Also, it will come back to bite you as they will surely start deceiving you because you taught them well. How would you feel if your child deceives you? It sets a bad example and the kid learns that being deceptive is fine and continues the trend in his whole life irrespective of the relation.

Why not use the objective truth?…………

Children only learn by imitating their parents and the personality of a Kid majorly depends on the environment in which he/she is being bought up. Lies in themselves aren’t necessarily bad. We lie to ourselves all the time about our control over events, about our impending death, we create illusions as a means to cope with the circumstances.

More vital, children don’t process with the subtlety, complexity, and knowledge base that we do. Children hear in a different language of more literal, simplistic, magical, etc. than what we speak. Speaking a truth in adult language to a child does not mean the child will hear the truth that we intend.

Don’t use imaginary people to raise your kids like Santa will come in wee hours for fulfilling their all wishes.This lie makes the child look forward, to meeting with Santa anxiously and when they found that’s not happened, its just an absurd illusion created by the parents, then its become a deceive for the children.

For instance, when you tell a 5-year-old girl the truth that a significant % of women will be sexually abused during their lifetimes, the girl thought that “I am not safe! I will be hurt when I grow up!”. Is that the truth? Is your statistical “truth” processed as you intended it?

We are lying in reality, actually there is the possibility of the reality but still, it’s not entirely the truth. We don’t tell kids the objective truth that “Is a woman really very weak physically, that she couldn’t protect herself and what is the preventive measure, which keeps a girl safe from the hand of brutality or animalism of physical desire”….. because they cannot process it correctly. We lie in order to we translate our meaning into what the child can understand, we convey the intent, not the truth.

So the goal of communicating with children is ‘clear communication’, not objective truth.

When we soften the truth?………..

Sometimes we soften the truth about things that are beyond comprehension for the young.

If your 5-year-old asks where babies come from, what comprehension could they possibly have if you tried to tell them? If you did, and they tried to repeat it the next day at nursery school, based on their comprehension and experience, it would probably turn into a phone call to you, wondering what’s up?

Children have the tendency whenever hears any new piece of information they want to tell people because they love passing on new knowledge. So when they share the things which they learned by their teachers with us, it’s much more fun for them and us if we feign ignorance that ‘we really don’t know that’ and let them give us a small logical lecture on that. It grows up their self-confidence about that gained knowledge.

Keep it simple for teenagers………..

I can think of a few situations when parents shouldn’t tell kids the entire truth. I think, especially for young children. That doesn’t mean you dump things on them just because they are true. You can explain things at an age-appropriate level, say……

Why we are getting divorced…

This is one of the significant issues for most of the parents nowadays. Neither we share our adult problem nor its good to burden our children with such court issue. When they will be grown up then only we can explain.

Things do not age appropriate……

Again, too much detail isn’t necessary. For instance when your 5 years old kid ask you that “how the baby got into mummy’s tummy.” Then either you skip form that query or trick fully replied that “mom and dad gave each other a special hug” and they rely on your said wordings because a 5 years old really doesn’t need to know about ovulation, sperm, egg or copulation.

My sister told her 8 years old daughter that tampons are especially band-aids for mom because she doesn’t want to explain menstruation to someone with a limited vocabulary and capacity to understand. Also, she doesn’t want her to think that mom is bleeding out or dying as she wouldn’t know bleeding is sometimes ok.

To make them aware about the cruel world……..

I’m not saying you shouldn’t talk to your children about kidnapping, abuse, prostitution, rape or porn, but the world is scary enough without scaring kids more.

Your children didn’t know about rape until they asked, not because you hid it from them, but because you didn’t want them to associate sex with violence at a young age. But when they asked what the word meant, because they read it, you should tell them.

They also didn’t know women sometimes sold their bodies for money and danced naked or had sex in a movie. They will get exposed to it and you’ll want them to ask you about it.

We know what and when you need the truth………

Stop Lying to your little one, just for the sake of avoiding conversation or making him happy. Instead, say the truth and stay calm in every situation. Children believing in magic and having a sense of wonder, excitement, and amazement is a special thing. Things which make kids believe and experience joy are never a bad thing.

We don’t necessarily lie, but perhaps preserve innocence, maybe manipulate with imaginary incentives to behave, like Santa, but, preserving imagination and working with innocent people who have no experience to face your truth, is not a bad thing. Truth comes soon enough, let the innocence and imagination thrive until your children tell you they are ready and ask the right questions to show they can comprehend.

This is why keeping communication open with your kids is so important. Not telling them more than they can or should handle and allow them to preserve their innocence are great reasons to not tell them the complete truth. There is plenty of time for reality, most of our lives.

Parenting is very tough but interesting job. We have to be really careful in every step we take before our kids. Cause they are watching us and learning from us every moment.

Never lie to a child. The truth is always less harmful than a lie. The truth will always be revealed before long and you will end up as a lier, an untrustworthy person. Don’t worry, they will forgive you and probably do the same with their children.

However, not telling the whole truth, leaving something out due to the age and capacity to understand the child, is good parenting surely. So, lie a little, if it keeps them young. They have decades to learn what the real world is like.  

Is sex really gives us Happiness?

Yes apparently! Sex gives surges of different feelings and actions, which make you feel good. Such feelings can be warmth, heart rate increase, thrilling, the hunger for more, resulting in a body “high arousal” and add to the part where you fully concentrate on the activity at hand, you probably feel great.

 Then ask a paralysis patient.. a coma patient … an autistic or a physically challenged person…….what is sex?

I have named few such diseases or disorder which is incurable one or carrying an uncertainty for forever in life run, where for the person to do the normal activity or even to take a single breath is very hard to survive then where from the question arise about sex or any other enjoyment of life, because to survive in life is the greatest challenge for those persons where they never even dare to dream about any seductive feelings. Yes, their genitals not even allowed them to visualize about such fantasies.

Without our health, nothing happens, not just sex, but all the other incredible things life offers to us. Someone at a young age will not understand this until much later in life.

Sex doesn’t make you happy prolonged………

Pleasure is physical and mental but happiness is just mental. A typical pleasure is A Sex where climaxing releases chemicals into the blood stream that gives us a short-lived jolt of extreme happiness which quickly fades. Pleasure does make us happy, but happiness can be accessed directly in pondering, and does not depend on pleasure or any other external actions.

There are many unhappy sex addicts out there. Also, there are many happy asexual people out there. Sex is a physical excitement, a sexual pleasure. It is not the same as happiness.

While sex and our sexuality is a very important part of who we are, because we are born sexual beings, but amongst them, the one that brings total contentment and satisfaction is Ecstasy!  It is thousand times more pleasurable than sex.

 There are infinite things that offer more happiness than sex. As a matter of fact, you’ll find having peace of mind is the number one thing that will bring you happiness. All the things that give you peace of mind are so powerful that sex becomes irrelevant and it will subside in itself like your health, stability, healthy relationships, your social status, financial stability all these things are connected to having a healthy sex life.

Sex with your loved ones gives you intense happiness but when someone will have the same sex with a paid sex employee that inner happiness will never found because it’s using to satisfy the desire of the lusty body not for the brain.

It’s all about balance. Energy always tends to flow towards ecstasy. When you indulge in sex, you consider sex as ecstasy. If you look at other beings that we coexist with on earth, mating/sex is important, but all of us need to be healthy, mentally, emotionally and physically. But when you seek for something that transcends sex, that is far more pleasure giving than sex, your energy drifts towards that something.  And that something is nothing else but ECSTASY!

Difference between happiness and pleasure……..

Sex is not happiness but a state of pleasure. Pleasure is a state of being temporary. Whereas Happiness “is a way” to live life. It is based on what and how one thinks rather than depending on the situations that make an impact on his life.

Let’s say, during the course of our love making when we are very eager to follow the every step of our desires and after the foreplay when finally the coition happened we say that we are satisfied.

 It means our body has satisfied which gives partial satisfaction to our mind not fully and that’s why just after the coition those stressful thoughts of our life sparks our mind immediately within a fraction of a second, which ultimately many times, turned our pleasure moments into a stressed one. It makes you satisfied…Physically, Sexually not mentally or emotionally.

 It shows that we just give the pleasure to our body to get it rejuvenate from its daily monotonous schedule and stress. So it’s proved that sex can’t be the solution of abolishing our intense stress from our lives, it’s only a partial remover of stress not the complete one for the cause of our contentedness.

Happiness, on the other hand, is realizing that the state of pleasure/ sorrow is temporary in life and with time they will pass. Happiness is acceptance of what cannot be changed.

Sex, of course, might give you pleasure for 5 minutes or 10 minutes but well life is too short for these kinds of momentary pleasures.

Those “Aha…” moments…………

• Holding your baby for the first time after giving birth and the first touch of your child when the newly born baby holds you with his/her tiny finger.
• First Kiss, tight hugs, kissing in rain, the pleasure of sleeping naked and getting cuddled by someone in bed.
• Some feel happiness when they explore beautiful places throughout the world
•  A scientist or researcher feels more happiness after solving a puzzle.
• That smile on street kid’s face when you offer him food, saving someone’s life.
• When a girl can safely roam around late at night, without getting judged about what she is wearing.
• The phone call from your best friend when you really needed someone to talk.
• A weird happiness some politicians get when they won an election. Some even left their family or stay unmarried to be Prime minister.
• Donating your old books to the underprivileged children, and then get to know after months that the very same child passed out with flying colors, will make you feel great.
• Bringing a smile on your grandparent’s face by visiting them unannounced will give you the real satisfaction and a smile on your face.
• Getting forehead kiss from your mother, while sleeping in her lap.
• A walk with your loved ones and when someone says “I Love You Too”.
• When someone compliments us as “Beautiful or Handsome” or a random compliment from your crush.
• When we clear any competitive examination and get our first job appointment letter.
• A long-term romantic relationship with someone you love that includes sex. But sex doesn’t define the relationship.

So those above moments are only a few ones to express my ideas but there are infinite reasons for each of us to describe our true happiness and which is priceless for us.

The love hormone released by pituitary gland…….

Sex sometimes can be gratifying, sometimes dissatisfactory, sometimes humdrum. The act of sex itself can make you happy. But it doesn’t necessarily need to be good or very pleasurable to make you happy.

You probably will feel better-having sex with someone you actually love enough to do so. There is a hormone called Oxytocin which basically lets you bond better with people, which are released by the pituitary gland and is responsible for human behavior associated with relationships and bonding. It’s usually with skin to skin contact. It’s a reason why mothers always play around with babies at first. You will see, if you and your partner were both fully engaged in the sexual activity, regardless if none of you were at your best, will feel a deeper connection due to the events that just occurred. You will feel closer and love the partner more, with a sense of deep connection and sensation, you may feel pretty happy even if the sex itself wasn’t as great. This is the power of Oxytocin.

Again if you’re fully engaged in an activity, which you are probably while having sex, you tend to enjoy it much more. Usually, some actions are crushed by our daily thoughts. But being engaged in the activity, focusing on what’s happening and taking it the manifold sensation in your body will feel much better than doing it disinterestedly.

Can u live a happy life without sex?…….

Everything is possible on this earth only. The thing which is impossible for us may be possible enough for others but we peoples have the tendency to judge others with our majority perspective. What you like to say about those priests and nuns who take the vows of celibacy. They’re a cheery bunch. They really are really happy most of the time.

Apart from them, there are also many peoples in our society who lives a healthy and blissful celibacy life by abolishing the feeling of lust by indulging their life in variant other aspects where they enjoy each activity from their core. It doesn’t mean they not hang out with friends at pub and disco, Yup…they also do what we all love to do but the thing is they enjoy the other aspects of activities more because they just go there for supposing dance, not has any other intention of grab some ass and that makes them and the girl with whom they are dancing with more at ease, enjoying their time fully. That’s not sarcasm. So don’t limit yourselves to the pleasure offered by the senses.

The true symbol of happiness……….

Sex is great and certainly feels great in the moment, but there are many things that give more happiness and which are indescribable………….

• During those 9 months painful phase of pregnancy, where your Doctor had already informed you about the chances of miscarriage is more than 90% and it’s not being safe to carry your pregnancy exactly at that moment, your strong determination doesn’t allow you for surrendering your pregnancy at the middle of the 9 months journey and at the end, after a deadly fight against the situation, by giving the birth of your baby after enduring lots of physical and emotional trouble you won over the situation.That contentedness is beyond everything in the world and it’s indescribable for a mother.
• Ask a prostitute when a man offers to marry her by ignoring her status and has shown the guts to hold her hand in front of society by giving his name and respect. The honor and kiss on the forehead an act of caring creates an endless ripple. Nothing can give more happiness than an act of Love and Care with respect.
• After passing out from college with average grade when not a single company is getting ready to hire you because in this competitive world neither you carrying an MBA degree nor any other professional degree which could lure your resume to get that job among thousands and there your poor family where they are anxiously waiting for getting your job so that you can share the earning of their basic needs.

Months passed by without a single ray of hope when you also standing at the threshold of giving up your overall strength exactly at that moment one phone call changed your life by hiring you with the low package. That exhilaration is beyond everything in this world and its indescribable for that unemployed guy.

What need for the lifetime?……….

Sex can also be a mixture of both love, union, commitment and a bit of kink. Liberty from other’s perspective and mental peace. Liberation and peace create a legitimate life.

Masturbate…. yes….if you can carry the same feelings towards him/her after the masturbation, then you really love them. These are the romantic feelings. If you fail to carry the same feelings after the masturbation towards him/her, then it’s an erotic feeling only.

As I grow older the realization that I have more years behind me than I do ahead of me is sobering.There are many things which give immense pleasure other than sex having someone who understands your mind is a different kind of intimacy.

 So……Luscious sex can bring atrocious momentary gratification. Liberty and Peace bring unsinkable and unfathomable inner joy….only love can please you for a lifetime! 

What are bribery and its negative consequences?

“Do what is right, not what is easy or what is popular…..Roy T. Bennett”

What is Bribery?……….

Bribery is defined by Black’s Law Dictionary as the offering, giving, receiving, or soliciting of any item of value to influence the actions of an official or other people in charge of a public or legal duty.

 

There are always two sides of bribery

• Bribe-giver
• Bribe-takers

The giver and taker of bribe are equally responsible for corruption and bribery and they both are punishable according to the law.

• The bribe can be demanded by a government official for getting the legitimate work done.
• The bribe can also be given to the government official by the citizens or businessman for getting their illegal work done.

There are two types of bribery… Collusive and Coercive
Let us assume total Crime = 100%, in any particular bribery incident.
Coercive bribery…
In the case of coercive corruption, there is a defined victim. The bribe giver is forced or coerced to pay out in order to get his work done. Suppose a farmer bribing the village accountant in order to get his land records.
Your fault is 21.2 % and officer’s fault is 78.8%.
Collusive bribery…
In collusive corruption, there is really no victim. It is the system that can be said to be victimized and exploited. Here both the bribe giver and the taker collude together to short-circuit the system. The 2G scam is a case in point. Telecom companies were said to have colluded with corrupt politicians and bureaucrats and achieved their ends. A young man paying off the policeman for being caught not wearing his helmet is also collusive corruption.
Your fault is 50% and officer’s fault is 50%.

In the act of bribe giving and taking, the givers and takers are the beneficiaries while the country and its people are the losers. To achieve an objective, one requires examining 4 different methods or ideas say….

• In first simple and straight forward method, involving discussion with a person or group, understand their points of view, then putting across your points and convincing by conviction rather than coercion, thereby achieving your objective, which is originally a righteous one.
• In the second method, where you try to give something to the other person/group and achieve your objective, you may call it bribe. But if your objective is a righteous one and the other person/group accepting your gift is not immoral, this cannot be a bribe.
• In the third method, Divide & Rule. You create differences amongst the stake holders and achieve your objective.
• In the fourth method, Punishment or by force. You show the stick and make the other person do what you want.

All the above 4 methods were prevalent from the day one of the civilization. However, the fourth method has been employed for achieving wrong or not so righteous objectives, which we call as bribe and corruption.

Corruption……..

Now before we step towards the concept of Bribe let begin the journey with its core concept of Corruption…..

Corruption is the misuse of public power by the elected politician or appointed civil servant for private gain. In order to ensure that not only public corruption but also private corruption between individuals and businesses could be covered by the same simple definition.

Corruption is the misuse of entrusted power by heritage, education, marriage, election, appointment or whatever else for private gain.

There are various forms of corruption…..

• Demanding money/favors, taking the money and favors offered without demand.
• Quid pro quo. I will do this for you, you do this for me.
• Nepotism/Favoritism.
• Using Government property like land, buildings, computer systems, cars, vehicles, etc.,
• Demanding sexual favors, alcoholic parties, etc. asking for gifts, compliments.
• Aiding the corrupt, without himself/herself indulging in direct corruption is also a form of corruption.

The executive, when aided by the legislature and also by the judiciary is absolute corruption and raping of the democracy. So, any type of Quid pro quo cultivates the system of giving and taking of the bribe, which is hazardous and immoral to any person or society or a country, is an illegal act towards civilization.

Reasons of Bribery……….

• Lack of performance linked pay in the government system and the lack of adequate punishment system for inefficient and corrupt officials’.
• Social acceptance of corrupt public servants in the country.
• The willingness of citizens to pay the bribe for expediting their work and collisions of citizens and government officials to obtain illegal benefits or permission from government officials.
• Inadequate anti-corruption machinery to investigate and prosecute corrupt officials during slow justice delivery system in Courts.

Difference between lobbying and bribery ……..

People participating in democracy by telling the government what they want, and voting and campaigning for the leaders they think are the best. This is entirely good and proper. On the other hand, you have people buying special favors from people in a position of power, this is corrupt and illegal. But there’s a middle ground between the two, where those who command the most money can influence politicians without bribing them directly. It’s very difficult to draw a clear line between where a participatory democracy ends and bribery begins.

The difference between lobbying and bribery is that bribery promises a politician money for their own use in exchange for improper considerations. Lobbying tells a politician what you want, with the understanding that you’ll support his future campaigns if he pleases you. A thin distinction? Certainly, but there’s only so much the law can do.

Difference between the bribe and fine……….

A bribe is an illegal payment to someone to gain some advantage from them and a fine is a penalty a court orders you to pay if you are caught and found guilty.

A bribe is a hidden and possibly illegal payment of money for some favor.

Fines are a way that governments attempt to discourage people from breaking the law. Bribes are always bad. Fines are good when they work to improve people’s behavior.

When a person gives a bribe of Rs 1, he usually extracts the benefit of much more money from the government officer. While if a government servant takes a bribe of Rs 1, he causes much bigger loss to the government and the nation.

Do anyone take the bribe for surviving?………

I wonder what sort of bribes you could be getting offered an how this cause effective in other’s people’s lives. For instance, if you are taking bribes about someone’s grades you may harm this person forever, as they will never learn. Also taking a bribe could very well cost you the job that is paying your bills then it is a major risk.

 However, sometimes we do that for the sake of the need for our survival. I personally would closely look at all other options I have before taking the bribe. If you have absolutely nothing else you can do and are at the point of starving, then may be I would take bribes until I was able to change my situation. At the end, though you need to be focused on putting yourself in a place where you are not even tempted to take bribes.

Though you always have two options. Either go along or find another job neither may be a viable choice. Unfortunately, bribes are a way of life in some countries. In other countries, it is a way to end up in prison. When you see this as an opportunity to change your careers and try to see it in a positive form then follow your instinct.

When we prioritize our needs with bargain?…….

How an average man brings out his work from the high officials lets us assume………

• To get admission in many government hospitals directly without any local minister’s reference become a challenge for the patient but if we are ready to pay the lump sum to the management of the hospital as a BRIBE then we no need to wait for long hours in the queue to get the admission over there.
• To get admission into school if we decide that our child is not going to a municipal/government run school because we don’t have faith in them. So, we are going and admitting the child into a corporate school/convent school, assuming that they are the perfect learning places for our child and we are paying the donation/admission fee, which is nothing but a BRIBE.
•  A criminal may BRIBE police to avoid arrest or a businessman may BRIBE a tax-official for protecting himself while evading taxes.
• A common man can BRIBE the TT to board the train on the basis of the waitlisted ticket or BRIBE the electricity meter reader to manipulate the meter to show less electricity bill.
• When we need a small work from the local government/municipality and we are desperate that we will pay BRIBE and get it done.Use of black money by political parties during campaigning. 
• Even if the work is a bit complicated we do not hesitate to approach a minister, viz., MLA/MP/ZPP etc… just to get our things done and the respective minister will interfere in the day to day routine work of the executive to favor us as we are BRIBING.
• When we violate the traffic rules which were formed to benefit everybody and ensure smooth use of the roads by everyone and when we get caught, either we beg, or threaten or pay BRIBE rather than admit our mistake/offence, which is compoundable, and pay up the fine, then learn and practice, not to repeat this.

So above those are few clauses where we use our ploy to get done our work smoothly but apart from those there are also infinite causes are there in our personal and professional life where we are ready to compromise with our Moral Values in our daily life.

Is bribery illegal?………..

Bribery is giving someone a payment for special consideration which other people have to pay for. Say if I bribe a government official to get subsidies. The official himself gets all the money, but he pays for the subsidy with public money, collected from the taxpayers. He’s collecting the benefit and distributing the cost to the people who trusted him with that office.

Government rules need to apply equally and fairly to everyone. Allowing government officials to enrich themselves by selling government considerations is essentially theft from the public those considerations are not theirs to sell.
Every instance depends on context. Usually, bribery is recognized as an under the table payment to a politician, court officer, police officer or other public officials to obtain favorable treatment. These are all illegal.

Is anyone violates the vow after taking the bribe?……

The corrupt government officers have to maintain high-performance standards for their services. Once they accept the bribe, they have to deliver their vows. An official who takes the bribe and refuses to deliver loses his reputation and people refuse to pay any bribe to him in advance. They insist on getting the work done first before they pay even their first installment.

 Not only the government officers or ministers can cheat the bribe giver and refuse to do the work after taking the bribe. Sometimes the businessman or contractor also refuses to pay the promised amount of bribe once their work is done. However, corrupt officers are experts in their field and they know how to take the money from such people.

Corrupt officers have to build a high reputation to get bribe in advance and corrupt businessmen also have to build the high reputation for getting the work done without paying the bribe in advance.

Who is bad the donor or receiver?…………

The problem is that hardly a few people are really concerned about the loss to their country. Most people celebrate such bribe giver as a smart guy who managed the government officer. Even most people celebrate the skillfulness of the bribe taker, who uses his position to make more money for himself and his family.

Depends on what is being exchanged for the bribe, and who is initiating the action. Sometimes that which is being exchanged for the bribe would legitimately be passed on to the one giving the bribe, if not for obstruction from the one receiving the bribe. This is extortion, and the one bribing is a victim. In this case, it wouldn’t even matter who initiates the bribing act. The one receiving the bribe is in the wrong.

Sometimes the victim (may or may not be an individual) is an innocent 3rd party. Something is being illegitimately taken away from the 3rd party by the one receiving the bribe, and passed on to the one giving the bribe in exchange. In this case, both parties involved in the bribe transaction are colluding against the victim, and are equally in the wrong. However the ethical balance shifts against the party initiating the bribery act, as this is what starts the corruption cycle, which may not have been in existence prior to the act of solicitation. Although initiation becomes merely nominal if the bribery culture is already in place.

There are also few peoples who run charity are very very careful about the funds, and even if they are starving will never touch money kept aside for the charity.

So you must ask yourself what is taking this bribe going to cost you, as well as cost the person you are taking it from and is it worth it?

Every deed is our own choice……….

Just share with you one small story about two lecturers who retired from college, and filed papers for the process of their pension papers. One lecturer who studied and taught politics all his life paid up the demanded BRIBE and got his papers processed. The other lecturer who studied and taught commerce & economics all his life did not pay up the demanded BRIBE and got his papers processed, albeit a bit late, say 3–4 months. Both of them got the pension after retirement and both of them were honest during their service, both of them belong to the same caste, everything same. The difference is one believed what he studied and taught and the other taught one thing and practiced something else.

We indulge in BRIBING, to get what we want, whether we are entitled to it or not, and then we start complaining that the government is CORRUPT, when the actions are not favorable to us.

What kind of a person we are? Actually, we don’t have the self-confidence and faith in the system. We are out rightly selfish, undisciplined, irrational, and have no concern for our fellow citizen.

I am not saying that the corruption is OK. NO. Not at all. If every one of us refuses to bribe and wait patiently for your turn, your work will be done in a routine manner. Yes, you will find it difficult initially. You will be frustrated. After a period, you will be satisfied with your behavior and also with the system.

If we are on the right side of the law, disciplined and honest, lead life with a high level of integrity, we will not pay BRIBE. We may get hit and denied some of our legitimate rights, but it will be for a brief period. When we are about to leave this world, we leave satisfied.

There can be no bribery if the citizens are honest and they refuse to bribe. There can be no bribery if the government officials are honest and they refuse to accept the bribe. Since the government officials and the citizen are part of the same society, hence honest government officials can’t exist without honest citizen and vice-versa.

Unless the mindset of the peoples’ change and they start condemning both the bribe giver and the taker, the trend of bribing is not going to subside. At the end, every act is our own choice either we go with our moral values or ready to compromise with our ethics.

“Do what you can, with what you have, where you are…..Theodore Roosevelt”.

How good looks matter in our life?

Good looks!……..
Life becomes easier. Yes, looks matter in life. It’s a sad truth, but the truth it is. Beautiful face grabs attention and it becomes easy to get your things done. Good looks are captivating. It’s now an accomplished fact that attractive people find it easier to get promotions, crack an interview with the same knowledge as an average looking person and get away with things easily.

People judge you on the basis of looks and you get better treatment just because you look good. Beautiful souls are suffering because of ugly faces. It is definitely an unfair advantage one can get. Isn’t it injustice or unfair? It’s all about the face gifted to you which you never requested to have.

Where look is the ultimate word?……

Looks matter a lot especially in some specific professions like in Customer Care related fields, like in Aviation, hospitality industry, sales and marketing, media(acting, modeling and fashion industry). These are those fields where your look is the ultimate word for survive and its pay you the utmost. It’s a firm belief that if you possess an alluring look then you can easily handle to your most irked customer also because beautiful faces on the average are treated better by most average looking people and peoples usually feel discomfort to shout upon beautiful faces. And that’s the reason why the company feels secured to hired good faces so that they could sell their products into the hands of those beautiful employees. As it’s being easier also to capture the attention of peoples without investing much effort and time to convey any message or to sell up any product of their company.

In specific working area……..

Investment professionals….

Almost always, there’s a trend in the people who are selected for the roles of Investment Bankers. Good-looking, tall, broad shouldered men with a baritone who conduct themselves excellently. Yes, they are pretty attractive. They have good knowledge about Finance, but it’s an undeniable fact that they may be chosen over an average guy with a better knowledge of Finance.

Selling and marketing…….

In a study of nearly 300 Dutch advertising agencies, economists found that firms with better-looking executives had higher revenues overall productivity resulting sales, were greater in companies with more attractive managers, partly because firms with more attractive workers have the competitive advantage when client interactions are involved. Companies with good-looking executives have higher sales.

Aviation industry………

I belong from Aviation background where I have seen in Airport that how peoples flock for viewing the air hostess and pilots. Also, I’m the evidence of those incidents … like in case of delayed flight when passenger lost their temperaments, then suddenly the entry of the Air hostess with her honey tongued message, makes the entire ambiance calm within a second.

Hotel industry………..

In the hospitality industry, good looks with personality are the key resort of survival like for receptionist, bartender. Your boss at work will respect you, especially if your job is about dealing with clients and customers.

Media…….

Looks are what is noticed first, and they are what make the first impression. And as the saying goes, the first impression is the last impression, unless it is deliberately messed up with. There are professions in which you simply won’t make it 99 times out of 100 if you do not have good looks such as fashion, modeling, cinema, media, etc.

 In reality shows like The X Factor, it’s not about who has the most talent, it’s about who’s more attractive because they know that more people will buy albums of attractive people than the latter. Hardly anybody cares about talent and hard work in comparison to the appearance in the music or acting industry, and who knows what other segments of the profession. Like a beautiful actress like Charlize Theron had to show her acting chops playing Aileen Wuornos in Monster before people could look past her pretty face and see her for a talented thespian, not just a model cum actress.

When the good look is mandatory?………..

Dating…..In dating, it matters a lot. It matters a lot for women to be physically attracted to a male. It matters for a man as well but not nearly to the same extent. This is because men are very perceptible when it comes to mate selection.

Marriage…..Marriages fail or even fail to happen in the first place because of looks. There are numerous people who have been rejected or ended their marriages because their partners cheat on them. These are because of attractions and attention outside the marriage. So yeah, if you’re ugly for your spouse or for your would be spouse, then there might be a problem.

Interview………. Looks in the sense of presentation. Always be clean, neat, presentable. Either be clean-shaven or keep that beard nice and well-trimmed/well-formed.
I’m sharing my personal experience at Frankfinn Institute of Airhostess training, one of the worlds number one best air hostess training Institute, where we have been trained and groomed for our overall personality development.

Your personality is what matters always, no matter where, when or with whom you are. Now if your personality is bad, no one is going to hire someone who is bad. Be confident, know what you’re looking for or to say that ”I DONT KNOW THIS”or something such if you don’t know the answer to a particular question, then never underestimate the interviewer’s analysis because it’s wise to surrender that you don’t know the answer than to rather just throwing random crap and hoping it turns to be true.

Advantages of good looks…………

It’s now an established fact that attractive people find it easier to get promotions, crack an interview with the same knowledge as an average looking person and get away with things easily. It matters in your professional and social life as well. For starters, good looking people earn more money and are generally presumed to be more trustworthy.

In educational Institute.…..

It has been found that also in top B-School, there’s a big commonality in the people who get really famous across the batch. It isn’t by the virtue of their academic background or any astounding skill, just by the virtue of their good-looks.

The opposite gender will always be extremely kind to the best-looking lot in the college and they receive a lot of help in many ways like to help them in Assignments of various subjects, Surveys during Marketing Research, Clubs- Committees pre-process etc

 Social connections…..

Beautiful people are usually more confident in social interactions, Specifically when expressing themselves. Apparently, because they feel confident that people won’t judge them.

Attractive people are more socially accepted. They generally have more friends, better jobs, and people like them better and treat them with more respect, more likable and trustworthy. They get mates earlier. They can make more social connections in a short time.

Fairness at Work………..

Research showed that the more attractive person was more likely to get the job and be offered more money even they give a lot of people that one chance which could change their lives forever than the unattractive applicant. Generally, the unattractive will earn about $5000 per year less than the attractive. When submitting work the attractive will be praised for average work and the unattractive will have to submit a high standard to get the same level of praise.

Favour from stranger……..

Also, a good-looking person is more likely to be the beneficiary of help by a random stranger than a person who doesn’t possess good looks be it in getting lifts, seeking assistance in project work, or special favors like jumping the queue by pleading with someone further ahead to buy their tickets.

Allure in court………..

Studies showed in the case of rape…Physically attractive victims and defendants are shown greater sympathy than those lower in physical attractiveness.
Assailants were more likely to be found guilty if the victim was beautiful.
Defendants who were unattractive were found guilty by 82% of jurors
Defendants who were highly attractive were found guilty by only 52% of jurors
For legal crimes and social offenses, the physically attractive are treated more leniently, given milder punishment.

In civil cases receive more favorable outcomes and receive larger amounts of money. It is hard to believe that there are advantages of beauty even for rapists but that is how humans are built and we can’t help ourselves unless we are aware of how pervasive the advantages of beauty.

In relationship ……….

Looks are the first thing that attracts you to a person.If you don’t feel attracted to anyone then you don’t get into any relationship with him/her. Attraction is just the beginning of a relationship but is mandatory. This doesn’t mean that if you feel attracted to someone then you may end up having a relationship with him…But for a relationship mutual attraction is must and that is why looks are very important in a relationship.

Special treatment from majority……

 The advantages of being attractive seem to be endless. Attractive people have an unfair advantage in almost all places, whether it is at school, work, the restaurant or any other place, attractive people receive a special treatment wherever they go, receive compliments from their family, friends and even strangers more often than less attractive people. Especially women, some even get tired of being complimented all the time.

Is Personality matters more than looks?………

 Grooming matters a lot in all aspect of the working field nowadays especially a good hair style, clean and good-smelling skin, clean shaven and well-chosen clothes, etc. Looks matter, but there are many very successful people who do not usually have “good looks.” The thing which matters more is how one presents themselves.

People who definitely don’t take care of themselves, who haven’t trimmed hair are dirty or smelling, who wear clothes that are unkempt, will not be treated as well as people who obviously take care of themselves. This may or may not be fair, but it happens.

Therefore, “presentation” matters more than “looks” even though looks do matter. A charming handsome who not groomed properly or presents neatly is likely to get a worse reception than a bad looking person who is groomed or presents decently.

Looks in the sense of Presentation matters a lot, say in case of your degree is worst it doesn’t matter. It will only get you in through the door and interviewer won’t even ask you about it, because to be very frank, that’s what your resume is for. So what else can you add beyond your resume? YOUR PERSONALITY! So only your Personality can make you unique from thousands of other people applying for that post with similar degrees.

Disadvantages of good looks……….

• The biggest disadvantage of having good looks is being perceived as a snob. If a beautiful person attains a position of high value, they are often considered to be ‘getting by on their looks’ instead of making it on their skills or talent.
• People expect you to be less talented. Especially in academics and work-field arena. Good-looking people can get insecure themselves about making it on their skills and not their appearance when they perceive their career progress as unjustified and people who have gotten by on their looks can get into serious psychological problems when their looks start to fade.
• Beautiful women are much more likely to succumb to eating disorders or plastic surgery to increase their almost flawless beauty to become a 100% beautiful.
• If you are a woman, men will often assume you are very sexually experienced, because they will assume that it is impossible for a woman so beautiful to be so pure, since men are constantly chasing after her. When you give people an inch, they try to take a yard. You’re surrounded by fake people.
• Studies found that the ‘halo effect’ claims the perception of physical attractiveness is also a double-edged sword. Where people are likely to ascribe a host of positive qualities to attractive people, they are also more likely to believe that good-looking individuals are vain, dishonest, manipulative and likely to use their attractiveness for deceitful purposes.
• Insecure men don’t trust their girlfriends and vice versa. People think up excuses to touch you/invade your space/start talking to you/violate your privacy.

What matters truly?…………

Good Looking people might have an advantage in their first impression. But it is totally untrue that first impressions last forever. They Don’t. We humans have always been attracted to emotions rather than looks.

Looks do matter.
They might have an advantage.
But only until you ACT or SPEAK.
Actions always replace looks.

People who depend too much on their looks, might not learn to work as hard as someone who has no option but to get to their goals through their own hard work. The same can be said about money matters. People who come from money have an easier time. Luckily, people who don’t come from money learn how to work harder.

On the contrary, looks may not matter much in the case of hiring a Data Science Ph.D. candidate. Also in some other professions such as Doctor or Engineer hiring people don’t bother much about their looks. Average-looking people who cannot ‘survive’ on their appearance alone, tend to focus on their skills and talents to make themselves successful, and they have fewer problems with growing older and losing their looks.

Mahatma Gandhi, Adolf Hitler, Mick Jagger, Albert Einstein, Barack Obama, Marie Curie, Helen Keller, Mother Teresa…These are all those great Idols of our life who achieved the highest position despite being their average looks.

In the end, your skills and talents and how you use them will matter in life. If looks were important to succeed in life, a lot more powerful people would be beautiful as well. Since there are a lot of average looking people who are extremely successful at life, your appearance is only moderately important to succeed, and there are other, more important factors, that will matter in your life.

So don’t crave for what you don’t have in spite grown up your Skill…Experience..Talent…these worth you in real mean till the end of life!